The Highlander

  I don’t know why I find it so difficult to trust God (or very many people for that matter).  I know I should (yikes!  There’s that profane performance word), and I also know that the surest way to please Him is to simply trust Him (Hebrews 11:6).  Heck!  When in my life can I go back and find a time when He ever failed me or did not ever keep a promise?  None.  Now, that is not saying that I cannot go back and find times (many I am afraid), when He did not do what I “thought” He should, or what I felt like He “said” (through some inner impression or outer “word” from some well meaning saint) He would do.  There are more of those than I can remember.  And with each failed experience came a letdown and just a wee bit of confusion.  Why?  Why God?  Why didn’t You___?  I just KNEW You were leading or speaking!  Why!?  Silence.

If I am honest, my life has not turned out anywhere like I thought, dreamed, or planned that it would!  How about yours?  It seems like God has frustrated all of my “plans/dreams” at every turn.  I am not where I thought I would be at this point in my life in any area…period.  I do not have it all together, and I find that I now have more questions than I do answers.  I am less sure about more, and more sure about less.  Looking back, I realize that I have spent more time in “speculations, controversies, and questions” ( 1 Timothy 1:4; 6:4-5; 2 Timothy2:23), than learning how to simply love and live loved by Father. 

When I look in the mirror, not only do I see a little more gray than I used to, but I see what others do not.  I know who I am on the inside, and they don’t.  It is easy to hide behind the “pastoral/christian” mask and lead others to think that you have it all together, when you really don’t.  It is  a lot easier to answer “fine” when asked how you are doing, than to really open the floodgates and tell all.  Anyway, most folks really could care less if the truth be known.  Asking, is just the thing to do.  They’ve got their own charade to keep up, and why risk the pain of rejection that could come as a result of their disappointment in you?

The further I travel down this road, the more junk I find down deep within.  Some of it has been hidden well, and there are some places that are piled high due to neglect and denial.

Religion and churchianity has not helped.  They just piled more of a “to do” list on my plate, and assured me that if I would just faithfully consume it all, things would change and God would be pleased.  I did.  They did not. All I ended up doing was hurling it all back up, and was quite sure that God was NOT pleased with the resulting mess.

I’ve tried all the latest and greatest spiritual fads that have made the rounds through the years.  I’ve been to the conferences featuring the newest megachurch superstars hawking their newly discovered “God given” techniques for moving your church from “regular” to “supersize” in five easy steps.  I also got to hob knob with some of them, and found out they had clay feet.  Problem was, they just would not admit it.  It would cost them too much.

Now, what has all of this got to do with trust?   Well, because of all of the pain, disillusionment, letdowns, frustrations, and reuslting confusion, trusting is a lot harder to do than I thought.  Yet, at this juncture in my life, that is exactly what Father is asking me to do.  He really wants me to trust Who He is and all that He says.  Take the following examples:

-even with all the darkness you are discovering within, do you really believe that you have been forgiven for it all (past, present and future), and that I love you no matter what?  Do you really trust Me when I say that I love you as much as I love my only Son, and that NOTHING you do or do not do can change that?

-Do you trust the fact that you are 100% righteous before me and that nothing you do or do not do will affect that? And, that you will never be more righteous than you are right now?  Better performance won’t make you  more righteous, godly or holy than you presently are.

-Do you trust the fact that I am pleased with you if you never did another thing for Me the rest of your life?  It has nothing to do with what you do, but with who you are in My eyes.

-Do you trust Me when I say that we are one, and that you can never get closer to Me than you are now?

-Do you trust Me when I say that I am more interested in a relationship with you than I am in getting you to do things for Me?  All I have ever longed for and desired is a relationship with you (and all mankind).

-Will you trust me with your sin?  Will you trust me with your pain, confusion, disappointment, and your frustrated plans and dreams?  Will you trust that I always do what is best and right, and that My decisions flow from a heart of love for you that is deeper and richer than you can imagine, even when I seem silent and do not give instant answers to your questions?

-Do you trust that even when you have blown it, missed My best for you, and headed down a path I never planned for you, that I still can cause all things to work together for your good?  Oh yes, and that I was not surprised or caught off guard  by any of your choices!  I knew about them all long before I made anything, and I loved you still!

-Do you trust me with the future, and that I really will guide you into what is best for you, if you will trust Me?  Even if you don’t become what you or others thought you would, and end up somewhere doing something that was never even on your agenda, will you trust Me?

Now, those are just a “few” things that I am being called to!  And I am also discovering something as I journey along.  You cannot trust someone that you do not love, and you cannot love someone that you do not know.  It all sort of makes sense now.  You know, Jesus said that eternal life was all about “knowing” Father (John 17:3), and Paul counted everything in this world (religion, heritage, performance, etc.), as pure, good ole’ fashion dung, compared with one thing, knowing Christ (Philippians 3:1-10)!  It really is about a relationship.

As I come to know Him, I fall more deeply in love with Him.  The more I love Him, the more I trust Him and all that He says.  For a long time, I thought I “knew” Him, but I have been discovering over the last few years, that I was sadly mistaken.  I have just begun to scratch the surface.

The awesome thing is this; He knows me and knew me from before the foundation of the world.  And even knowing me as I am, was and will be, He still loves me (and you too)!

I do not know what lies ahead.  But, I am hoisting my sails, and “trusting” the wind of His love to fill them and carry me wherever He pleases.  With each new day, I need grace to trust in ways that I never have before.  I need…oh yes, I need…Him!

The Highlander

This entry was posted on Monday, October 26th, 2009 at 11:57 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.